I grew up in a family where we all contributed financially. From a very early age, my siblings and I began doing a number of odd jobs like paper routes every morning at 4 am before school, babysitting, housecleaning, selling donuts, you name it. It grew out of financial need, but it proved to be a relevant and treasured value my parents instilled in us—that we can do anything we set our minds to do, that work provides opportunity, and that as “Michaelsons” we all come together to contribute to the greater good of our family, especially when times are tough. We loved and supported each other, and we continue to live by these standards today.
While this scenario may be playing out currently in many homes across the country, there seems to be more conversation about whether or not teens should get a job, just stick to extracurricular activities like sports, or simply focus on school alone. There is no one size fits all, and certainly different circumstances weigh into the decision, but more importantly, our thoughts (and our teen’s thoughts) will create feelings about this, lead to action or inaction and produce results one way or the other. What are the results you’re wanting? What do you want to teach your teenager about work? What experiences do you hope they have?
There are important starting points to consider while discussing this topic, and many of them can take place well before adolescence. When we begin with the end in mind, we look at results we want when our kids are raised in order to get clear on what we need to provide from the very beginning (keeping in mind it’s our results, not theirs—in other words our result is that we teach our kids something and our kids’ results are what they choose to do). How we teach and model our values surrounding work will greatly influence our children. As we have on going open dialogue, we can more effectively align the present with our desired outcome, carefully considering individual circumstances, desires, and needs. It’s never too early, and it’s never too late to have these valuable conversations.
In deciding whatand how to teach our children, we can explore our belief systems, evaluate personal circumstances, and weigh our commitment to parent and teach through each relevant dynamic.
Ask and discuss the following with your spouse and child:
1. What beliefs do I have about work, jobs, and money? Is work an important value that I want to emphasize in my family and how will I do this? Are chores an important experience I want my child to have and am I willing to take the time to implement, teach, and follow up? Do I want my teenager to be in charge of specific expenses, and if so, what are they, and at what age?
2. How mature is my teenager? If maturity develops along with responsibility, am I providing a foundation for work ethic and developing useful skills at home by giving chores and assignments to do so? What are specific examples of this?
3. What are my beliefs about failure? Am I willing to let my teen fail without me being there to make everything right? Do I believe this is an important part of developing life skills, experience, responsibility, and maturity?
4. Is keeping a certain grade point average an important determining factor in whether or not my child works? Is participating in extracurricular activities more important than having a job? Why or why not? At what age is it important to start working? Is a summer job adequate work experience or is a year-round job experience more important? Why?
5. If I believe my child is ready to work, what type of work environment do I believe would be suitable? Is there a particular job that will help develop skills my teen lacks? Can he work somewhere he is interested in as a career field later? What strengths does my teen have that could be useful in a particular job? Are there too many or too few hours of work per week? How many hours per week does my teen want to work or think he/she can handle?
6. Would it be worthwhile to help my teen create a budget for incoming money? Do I want to teach my teen to tithe and save? How can I encourage my child to use resources available online or other, to learn more about money? Does my child have a personal bank account, and can she manage her own money? What role will I play in this process?
7. At what point do I anticipate my child will be completely financially independent? Is he expected to pay for college? How am I preparing him for greater financial responsibility? Are there certain stepping stones to get there? What am I able and willing to help out with along the way? Have I discussed these things with my child?
8. Am I teaching about money, work, and jobs in a way that helps my child develop internal desire and personal confidence in his/her ability to take these steps toward independence? If not, what am I willing to sacrifice and change to facilitate this? What am I doing that is helpful, and what am I doing that could be limiting future success?
It may seem like a big project to discuss all of these aspects, but it will inevitably pay great dividends, and not just solely the monetary ones. There are important life skills kids can develop at home and many that can only be learned on the job. Studies show teens that work less than or between 10-15 hours a week during school tend to get better grades. They learn to manage their time, work with different kinds of people, develop personal confidence in their ability to do tasks independently, and strengthen problem solving skills.
My kids have been grateful for their work opportunities and have benefitted greatly by having these experiences and more. I’ve seen them increase in confidence, work through anxieties, learn how to get along with a wider range of personalities, and develop a stronger worker ethic as a result. Most of us will work as adults and what better time to lay a foundation for that inevitable experience than during the teen years?
