It’s been said that the irony of parenting is that you tend to get it down by the time your children are all grown and raised. While this may ring true for many parents, there are hidden gems to be found in the process of creating your personal family connection. This process will take time and be unique for each family, but a simple strategy will yield priceless results.
When our children were young, my husband had a demanding job that took him away from our family for several days at a time. Back then, we didn’t have the luxury of modern technology that we do now, but we did know that keeping an ongoing connection through communication was an important area we wanted to maintain in our family, no matter the challenges.
Sundays were the consistent days my husband was home, so we decided to use this day to hold what we called our “family meeting” each week. We gathered our kids together in the family room and devised a paper agenda form that would keep us on track as we went through each item of discussion.
First, we would go through the past week and note what we had accomplished individually and as a family. We would review our goal from the past week (usually something like helping out with the dishes without complaining).
After our past week overview, we would look at each day of the upcoming week and discuss what each person had going on, how we could support them, and any extra needs of each individual or family as a whole.
One person (usually my husband) kept a record of everything mentioned on our paper form agenda and we would hang it on the fridge for the week as a reminder to all of us of what we were accomplishing together as a family. We saved many of these in binders and now they’re fun family journals we look back on to recall meaningful memories as well as familiar patterns over the years.
Sometimes we had a quote we were trying to memorize, other times we would finish the meeting with an impromptu talent show–a small child who just learned how to do a somersault would get singled out with applause, older kids shared newly learned juggling skills, the re-telling of a joke, or even sharing of a picture drawn or something new they learned that week.
Here are some guidelines we have tried to implement over the years that have helped our family meetings be a success:
1. One person (usually a parent) leads the meeting and takes notes for follow up items.
2. Each family member comes prepared to listen with openness, discuss, contribute ideas and give support. All family members are given the opportunity to participate, express concerns, and help.
3. Electronic devices and other distractions are put away.
4. Include a family prayer as part of the meeting for each individual and specific needs mentioned.
5. Keep in mind that your definition of “success” may need to be redefined on certain days. Remembering it’s the processof bringing your family together on a regular basis to plan and communicate and not the individual meeting itself that meets overall success standards. Many meetings will feel like a failure, but as the effort is there, recognition of success by smaller standards for that day can be a positive, energizing force in your family to keep valuable patterns in place.
In a time where families count being “together” when they eat out at restaurant, or even home at the same time while still distracted by screens, it’s imperative we find intentional ways to connect, to have meaningful conversations, to be aware of one another’s successes and struggles, and cultivate family unity in ways that will add to individual and overall strength and support. Families can provide primary foundational support for belonging and inclusion. The more we cultivate and nurture our family connection, the more our family members will have a place to learn, grow, and strengthen personal identity as they also gain a greater sense of who they are in the world.
