One morning I awoke to loud noises in my yard. I looked out the window to see about 15 workers in my yard with all kinds of tools. I forgot the gardeners were coming that morning to cut down our trees and clean up the backyard. The chainsaw was blaring, the leaf blower was buzzing. Then the doorbell rang. It was the painters to paint the interior of our home. I knew they were coming but they were early!
About an hour later I was changing the laundry and practicing deep breathing to calm my nerves. I was having thoughts like, “this is so incredibly noisy” I was stewing over “I hate having workers at my house,” and “I can’t wait until this is over.” My shoulders were tense, and my head was achy.
Then my 13-year old daughter bounced around the corner, blurting, “I just LOVE having workers at our house!”
I was bewildered. “What??…Why do you say that?”
“I mean, it’s just that we’re getting so much work done around our here and it’s like our house is the center of attention,” she exclaimed with joy in her voice.
I couldn’t believe it. To me, this was invasive, noisy, cumbersome. To her, it was fun, fulfilling, and joyous. Wow.
Then it hit me. This is one of those examples of circumstances being neutral.
A circumstance is just a fact, a situation, a person—without all the drama. It just is. I had workers at my house that day. Everyone would agree with this. It could be proven in a court of law.
Yet, it wasn’t neutral to me or her.
Why?
We had our own separate interpretations of that fact—our own independent thoughts and stories. My thoughts created a story in my head that it was a horribly uncomfortable. Her thoughts created a story that it was wonderfully productive and enjoyable.
This is the model I use in coaching:
C = Circumstance
T = Thought
F = Feeling
A = Actions
R = Result
We have a thought about a circumstance that creates our feeling, which drives our actions and produces our results.
In this case, my thoughts created a negative feeling, actions, and results. For my daughter, her thought created a positive feeling, actions, and results.
Circumstances are up to our interpretations every day. What results do we want? What will we need to doto produce those results? What will we need to feel to fuel those actions? What will we need to thinkto feel that feeling?
If you would like help with a circumstance you are struggling to see as anything but negative, sign up for a free mini-session where we will take a look at where you are now, where you want to be, and teach you specific tools to get you there.
