I work with dozens of teenagers every week and I love, love, love them. It is a privilege and honor to be a part of their lives and watch them grow. I love seeing their eyes light up when they have major lightbulb moments or feel a solid sense of satisfaction in themselves. I love helping them tap into their endless potential and helping them see there are major possibilities for good in any situation.
I work with teens locally and across the country, individually and in groups, in-person and online. It is my joy and intention to help them become all they are meant to be. I wish I could speak to all teens everywhere and help them feel love and acceptance for the beautiful people they are. In my experience, there are some core principles that when understood, can make all the difference in the lives of teenagers during these critical years. Here are 7 of them:
- Learn to love yourself, because that’s who you’ll be spending the rest of your life with
The relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.
We all go through struggles with friends and family members at different times. Don’t expect others to fill your bucket. Learn how to be your own best friend and love who you are first. Get to know yourself, take time for yourself, and learn how to be comfortable being with just you. This will lay a solid foundation for nurturing healthy relationships with others.
- Remember that mistakes are proof that you are trying
The more we can learn to be ok with making mistakes, the better we will feel about ourselves and the progress we’re making. We are human—we are supposed to make mistakes. We get back up and try again. Pat yourself on the back for trying and realign your mind with thoughts like “I’m getting better at this every day” and “I’m getting closer to where I want to be.”
Don’t let the fear of failure keep you from trying something new. Failing at something can be a great way to learn how to do it right. Think about how you learned to walk—you fell down repeatedly until your muscles built enough strength to keep you balanced while moving ahead. Failure is an important part of life. Think about how failure has helped you move forward.
- Confidence is not “they will like me”—Confidence is “I’ll be fine if they don’t”
The more you can let go of wanting others to like you and focus more on loving who you really are, the more confident you will feel. Confidence comes from your thoughts—confidence comes from within.
- Look for Someone to Help
Look for the one who could use a friend. Smile, say hello, introduce yourself, or invite them to sit by you. As you take the focus off yourself and reach out to someone with their needs in mind, you will notice your feelings of nervousness and anxiety decrease. When we put our minds to work looking for opportunities to help others, the focus shifts from personal worry or insecurity to genuine love for others, which ultimately creates a more centered feeling of calm, inner confidence, and peace.
- Choose Wisely How You Frame Your Story
It’s likely there will be a mix of pleasant and unpleasant moments every day. How you frame them in your mind makes all the difference. Pay attention to the stories you tell about your past, present, and future. Are you applying labels that are holding you back? Even the most difficult, uncomfortable experiences can be powerful teachers—they shape us and mold us into that better, stronger version of ourselves. We can learn to see the sweet in the sour experiences of life.
- Make Important Decisions Ahead of Time
A lot of our anxiety in life comes from indecision. There are many decisions we can make ahead of time that will eliminate a tremendous amount of stress, worry, or hesitation in the future. For example, decide now how you want to take care of your body, what values you want to uphold, what kind of friend, student, employee, and family member you want to be. When choices come your way, you will have a blueprint for how to meet them. Even when circumstances are not ideal, you will be freed up to feel satisfied knowing you have honored those decisions, instead of feeling confused and overwhelmed in having to make them for the first time. It only takes two seconds to make a decision—decide now that you will stick to it, time and time again.
- Listen to that Inner Voice
You were born with an inner light that gives you strength. It’s what helps you know right from wrong, that inner voice and conscience that guides you to truth and helps you feel peace. Sometimes you may forget it’s there, or maybe you don’t know enough about it yet—maybe you don’t know how to draw on this strength when you need it the most. Start by being still.
Take time each day to practice connecting with yourself. Notice your breath, think about the light and energy you have within. Learn to observe yourself without judgment. Know that every part of your being was created with divine energy, power, and goodness. You have magnificence within. You have the ability and potential rooted in you to handle anything that comes your way and to accomplish all you are meant to do. As we strengthen this awareness of who we are, we can use this powerful light to forge ahead by doing good in the world. Our inner light is strong and nourished as we share it, making good choices day by day.
